Soon we will be holding little Leah in our arms. I can hardly believe it that we are 16 days away from going. Things are so different for me this time from Jenna's adoption. I remember being so scared before we left. Scared of all the unknowns and a private fear of what if they give me this little girl and we don't bond. I loved her through a picture, that's all we had and secretly I worried would I feel don't feel an instant love for her when I saw her. I didn't want to tell anyone, afraid of what they may say, since we invested so much time in her adoption, I thought they would think less of me for being worried about that, I didn't even tell Scott. A few weeks ago I finally told me that I had felt that way and he admitted he did to but was scared to say it out loud to me.
But when Jenna walked into the hotel lobby that day, my heart swelled 100 times it's normal size, I touched her little hand and my fears escaped my body, she was my daughter in every way. Just as if I had given birth to her and they were placing her in my arms for the first time, God was handing her over to me and placing her in a very special place in my heart.
This trip I feel relaxed, knowing no matter happens, if we miss a plane, we will make it to China! I will never run for another airplane, they won't wait for you and even if you end up in the Netherlands, we will make it to China one day! I know and can't wait for God to hand Leah over to me and she also have a very special place in my heart, just as he did with Jenna. I look forward to watching her blossom in front of our eyes, if you haven't adopted, watching this shy, scared and timid child begin to trust, emerge and love is an amazing miracle to witness.
We will eat new things, be more adventurous, and soak up every experience we can. Yes we will become home sick and miss our three kids more then words can describe, but we will also embrace the journey and miracle God has entrusted to us.
We are coming Leah Grace..
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